Hillary Rodham Clinton’s mother passed away today. Mrs. Rodham is being credited for raising a standout student, with a powerful personality, a former FLOTUS. What Hillary’s mom taught her about standing up to bullies is accredited as the starting point for Hillary’s assertive nature.
As a young child, growing up in Park Ridge, Illinois, Hillary once came home crying about how another child had bullied her. Hillary’s mother told her to march right back out and confront the bully. Hillary did, and that experience is often accredited with starting her assertive nature. Source
So, Hillary’s mom is being lauded for telling her to get her
A little earlier this evening, an Anonymous poster, whom I assume to be a teacher, complained that local mothers are saying this to their children:
"She hit you?!? Well, $%&**# $*%*&(, hit her back!"
Is that not essentially the exact same thing Hillary Clinton’s mother told her? Is what Hillary’s mom said any better than what is alleged that local moms are telling their children about fighting or standing up to bullies? If so, why?
8 comments:
Just because Hillary's mom said it doesn't make it right. Children of high self-esteem usually aren't bullied and they usually aren't bullies. (Do I generalize much--not really a good analysis, I know. I'm never sure what to tell children about bullies. To a certain extent, they are a fact of life for children and adults. Being strong enough and confident enough to ignore bullies is probably the best--but I know that is difficult for children to pull off.
I guess we have to define what is meant by bullying. Kids, in general, tend to be a bit cruel and insensitive--laughing at other kids, etc. But when the bullying is physical or intimidating, then an adult needs to intervene.
Probably parents, teachers, etc., need to teach children how to ignore the verbal bullies--in the end being ignored is probably the worst fate of a bully.
In the end, we can't protect kids from all the hurts, but we can try to give them the psychological coping skills to deal with the hurts. I am convinced that the self-esteem we hear so much about has to be fostered long before a child gets to school. Those with really low self-esteem will be the bullies.
Telling your child to confront the bully is a bit different than cursing while telling your child to beat the other one down. Also, I am sure Hilary's mom didn't send her daughter into the school with an attitude of "That place owes you everything and you don't need to listen to anyone there" which is what the Peoria kids are getting.
The anonymous post you quoted was mine and, yes, I am a teacher who is beyond frustrated with the attitudes of students AND parents towards me and all adults in the school building. These kids apparently have never had to listen to or show respect towards anyone in their lives. I talk to my students all the time about ignoring bullies and taking away their power. I also talk to the bullies about how they are behaving and how words can hurt. I let them know I wouldn't let anyone talk to them like that and I will not allow them to do it to anyone either. My one little voice in the cacophony of voices they hear in the streets and at home is not getting through.
Confronting a bully and hitting back aren't necessarily the same thing. "Confronting" can easily mean telling the bully to stop, not giving in if the bully demands something like lunch money or telling the bully that he/she is wrong.
I think you are drawing an unfair parallel between two situations.
It depends on the bully doesn't it? Confronting a bully could easily escalate into a fight with a bully.
I do not consider telling a child to stand up for themselves to be the same thing as standing there while enouraging a child to engage in physical violence. Way too far of a stretch this time...
I know that it is difficult to tell children (especially teen-agers) to seek adult intervention in these situations. Also, I know that students are unwilling to tell because they will be called sissies and tattle-tales, etc. However, this is a problem to be resolved by adult personnel in a school.
It may seem like a cope-out to some of you, but as a classroom teacher, there was little I could do. Telephone calls to the parents of the bullies might work but probably not because everyone knows teachers have no way of meting out consequences.
First of all, at the high school level, students are smart enough to do their bullying behind the teachers' backs, so to speak. I had to count on students letting me know in private when such situations were occurring. Then I would inform the deans, etc. Often the kind of bullying that goes on in the classroom, however, is the kind when bullies openly make fun of other students--those bullies should be written up and sent to the deans (who may or may not do much about it). Often bullies in the classroom, copy or take other students' homework--I did find ways to deal with that on my own if the victims would tell me what was going on.
At the primary level, I have heard of situations when other students take things from their fellow students--and at all levels students who intimidate others for lunch money--shouldn't be a problem now since lunch is free. Ha!
The difference is Hillary's mother's main message was to work hard in school and be successful. Many of our district 150 kids only hear the message beat them up if they mess with you! So sad.
There is a difference between standing up to bullies and vengeance (ie settling scores).
Post a Comment